Hey friend,

Happy Thursday!

I've been a little busy recently, coming back from a wedding in Bali.

Once I came back, I was greeted with a bunch of messages.

You see, I've been preaching about rewards.

A mommy said to me:

"Ming, my daughter doesn't like anything"

"Nothing works; she just wants to hold something"

"Her reward is to leave the chair and run around"

Let me give you some context about what's going on at home first.

This girl:

1. Has free access to all her toys during therapy time.
2. Is constantly holding on to a toy of her choosing.
3. Runs away when the task gets hard
4. Is willing to sit if the tasks are enjoyable or easy

Now here's the problem.

Speech and language goals are never easy.

We make them harder every time a child can do it.

This means this girl will run away no matter what.

Here's another catch.

We only run away from undesirable situations.

Some might call these punishments.

E.g. I hate doing my taxes.

And whenever I do taxes, I tend to escape.

Escaping becomes a "Negative Reinforcement" for me.

Meaning it's actually rewarding for me to run away.

Because I've removed that admin work.

To put it all together - the girl is rewarded whenever she gets to run away.

By allowing her to escape, the work (speech and language work) becomes a punishment.

So how do we solve it?

Do the opposite of what's true currently.

DURING training (other times are fine):

• No free access to toys.
• Choose a reward for her
• When things are too hard, reduce the difficulty for her
• Only allow her to leave the chair when she has finished the task

This rewards completion and effort.

It also teaches that she has to receive whatever reward you give.

It's not up to her to choose anything.

Imagine going to work and choosing your own salary.

Tell your boss you want your salary in Bitcoin.

I doubt that's going to fly!

Of course, the mother pushed back hard on me.

She stated that all we need is for her to improve her language.

Then she'll find it fun and stay.

I had to repeat, this isn't getting easier.

It'll only get harder.

So set up the rules once now.

Before we get to story level...

Or else you'll be trying to "pull a cow up a tree" (real Chinese proverb) 拉牛上樹

The mom started to realize what I was saying.

Her girl never chose to be language delayed.

But at the same time, at this moment, we know better than her.

We NEED her to sit down and do the work with us.

To climb the tree, but not to be dragged.

That's all for today,

Ming

P.S. - If you missed the admissions for coaching last month, but you're looking to join, then reply to this email. We have a few slots and our fees are increasing at the end of the month.